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18 December 2009 03:35

Driving lessons with Tiger

The Sportsman of the Decade’s pedestal has crumbled, but he hasn’t left us empty-handed.

JOHANNESBURG - One of the many silly jokes going around town is: "What's the difference between Santa and Tiger? Santa stops after three hos".

There are a few other inane Tiger jokes. "Tiger and Elin have signed a new prenuptial agreement. According to the new contract, the next time Tiger plays a round, Elin will hand him his balls." "He who drives well in the fairway does not always fare well in the driveway." "What's the difference between Tiger Woods' Florida home and his Cadillac Escalade? The white airbag in the Escalade didn't blow up and hit him in the face."

"What does Tiger Woods have in common with baby seals? They both get clubbed by Scandinavians." "What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball for 400-...

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10 December 2009 21:15

A Christmas wish list for the ANC

With December 25 upon us, let’s not forget the country’s most “needy” folk – the ruling elite.

JOHANNESBURG - "More, bigger, better" seems to be the inherent meaning of the ANC's "A better life for all". After 15 years, the ruling elite have become so avaricious, pompous and self-centred, that a "Dear Santa" letter follows on the party's behalf.

Dear Santa

With Christmas looming, we're writing to you on behalf of South Africa's most needy folk. We hope you're feeling generous and humorous. With a persisting recession and rising unemployment throughout 2009, life has been particularly tough for millions of people in South Africa. Some of these folk deserve extraordinary attention.

Therefore, please organise a gargantuan fleet of reindeer-drawn sleighs and a proficient team of logistical experts. In addition, please abandon your customary red-and-white brand...

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04 December 2009 00:01

“Out, whitey, out!”

What’s all this bizarre mumbo-jumbo about ousting all things white?

JOHANNESBURG - Stupid people shouldn't breed, especially when they're sanctimoniously obsessed about always being correct, knowledgeable and even erudite.

I can't remember who first remarked, "Stupid people shouldn't breed", or where I first read this. Darting mischievously into the epicentre of political correctness and spiritual dignity, this statement remains a favourite truism. It's one to reflect on today with too many irascible and incorrigible bigots uploading their poorly written and conceived comments and arguments on to news and opinion websites, including Moneyweb.

If these idiotic commentators (replete with their profoundly spurious but paper-thin viewpoints and inarticulate forms of expression) were a reflection of our nation's health, we'd ...

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