Archives

27 July 2010 04:02

Fakebook

Cityboy despairs that bankers are now using this social networking nonsense.

The vaguely amusing, and very dead, comedian George Burns may have been talking about acting when he said ‘if you can fake sincerity, you've got it made' but he could just as well have been referring to investment banking. My former business necessarily involved assuring clients you're their best mate whilst selling them assets that generally have the long-term prospects of a wildebeest on a David Attenborough nature programme. I believe it is the inherent falseness in that profession that explains why the social-networking website Facebook, or Fakebook as some amusing wags have dubbed it, has become so popular amongst bankers. It is the perfect device for deceitful career-advancement and networking.

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04 July 2010 05:56

Imposter syndrome

Cityboy recalls constantly wondering whether everyone would see through his crap.

Have you ever got the feeling at work that you're gonna be found out for being the fraud that you are? That somehow you've pulled the wool over your colleagues and clients' eyes for years but now it's payback time and those around you are suddenly going to realise that you're just a chancer who got lucky? I imagine everyone occasionally gets ‘impostor syndrome' at work but I think it's particularly prevalent in the City. This is because the salaries there are so disgustingly huge that you can't help standing back occasionally and wondering how your pay can possibly be justified by anything other than good luck.

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22 June 2010 06:41

It's just not cricket!

A day at the Oval reminds Cityboy why clients become such arrogant idiots.

Apparently yanks dismiss cricket as "baseball on valium". With such talk they're simply wasting my time. Although I'm loathe to declare that I share a passion with the likes of John Major I defy anyone to spend a sunny Friday afternoon at the Oval watching 13 men ambling around pretending to play a "sport" and not think that life is simply a wonderful thing. It makes me feel proud to be a member of a nation that is so freaked-out by sex that we have to invent games that last for five days so that we don't actually have to indulge in it!

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10 June 2010 02:20

Profiting from disaster

Investors who don’t let emotions get in the way of the task of “maximising returns”.

When I heard a rumour in July 2006 that two divisions of Israeli paratroopers had entered Jordon I immediately thought "I'm sure it was fun at the time, but her husband's going to be mad as hell when he finds out". However, smarter people with less smutty minds realised the potential geo-political ramifications of a middle-Eastern war and immediately made a few quid by buying shares in companies that would benefit from the resultant higher oil price.

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04 June 2010 01:38

The hedge fund sin

Cityboy explores the dark world of hedge funds.

Are hedge funds the root of all evil? There were certainly times during my 12 year City career when I believed so. Indeed, I begin a chapter of my book Cityboy by expressing the hope that "when the revolution comes ... it's those hedge fund boys who'll be first up against the wall!" Interestingly enough it appears I'm not alone in harbouring such hostile sentiments. The Archbishop of York referred to them as "bank robbers ... and asset strippers" and this week, despite George Osborne's opposition, the EU's finance ministers voted overwhelmingly to impose tougher scrutiny and regulation on these shadowy organisations. But before we condemn them outright perhaps we should ask ourselves what exactly hedge funds are and why they elicit such strong feelings?

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